


To Dobby

by 4TheLoveOfBooks



Category: None - Fandom
Genre: Blogging, Coz I can't keep this buried., Just baring my heart, Other, venting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-11-28 11:51:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20966114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/4TheLoveOfBooks/pseuds/4TheLoveOfBooks
Summary: This is just a way for me to vent all the things inside. And I can't tell these things to the one I really wanna say it to. So this is kind of an online diary because I can't keep an actual one. For reasons.





	To Dobby

**Author's Note:**

> To you. Dobby. The love of my life.

I feel crazy sometimes. But you liked that about me. Right now I'm sitting here, listening to him talking about buying a car, lol. I do love him. But not like I love you. I've never loved anyone like I love you. You were, no you are my one. I will never stop believing that.

I can't. My heart knows, my soul knows, my body knows, my mind won't let me forget. I left messages on your whatsapp even knowing you will never get them. Felt really crazy doing it but I needed to. 

I still need you. I still miss you. You've ruined me in the worst way. I can't stop thinking of everything we've said, everything we've shared. I try, I really do. I try so hard to put you out of my mind but it seems like everything reminds me of you. Every word in every song I love. Every time our song plays something inside me breaks and everything spills out along with the tears I try to keep at bay. 

I hate you sometimes, I hate you because I love you so much and you left me even though you promised to never do that. You didn't give us time. You just left and it hurts everyday. I know it's unfair of me. Expecting you to stay when we've already fell so hard and I was not free. I know it is but I still hate that you left. 

I hate that you still have the power to hurt me even though you never intended to. You said you'd take the hurt but you didn't really. You couldn't. Your promise of bearing the hurt for us both was empty. Just like the one you made about staying as a friend. Just like the one you made about never leaving, no matter what. Staying would've been bearing the pain. Staying would've made me happy. But you chose to leave. 

I can't hate you though, I still can't. 

I can't blame you either, coz that's unfair. 

But I wonder, and I've said this before, I wonder if you loved me as much as I do you. I wonder if maybe I was the only one who felt this burning. 

You said you did, but if it was as bad as my flame for you, you would not have been able to turn away without looking back. I tried and it didn't work, remember? I tried and even though I knew it was wrong, I turned back and I begged. So no, I don't think you loved me the same coz you wouldn't have been able to leave.  
Not the way you did. 

Sometimes I wish I had never met you. It would have been easier if I hadn't. But then I wouldn't have known what real love is. 

Maybe it would've been better if I had been ignorant and thought that I deserved what I had. 

That this was all there was to love and life and this part of me that you've uncovered would not have been. 

But I love how you uncovered me, wripped me out of the tomb the world had forced me into. You made me whole. You believed in the parts of me I had so much doubt about. You released me from the hold the world had put me in. You set me free. But you left and now it's all tainted with hurt. It hurts to write coz I think of you. It hurts to think of writing coz you're there. You gave me hope and took it away. 

I feel alone again. So alone while surrounded by people. Alone lying next him. Fighting alone, living alone, loving alone. You took that away from me.

I wanna try this as a way to banish you somehow. I doubt I'll ever succeed but I have to try. And if this is all I'll ever be able to write about then so be it.

There's so much I need you to know. There's loads I need to know about you still but I never will and that's okay. I've always been naked with you anyways, so after baring I'm heart and part of my mind, I feel like the only way I can move forward it to bear it all and hope, against all odds, that there still is hope. For us. For me. For this. 

Oh and BTW. Dumbledore is gay. Lol. He's in love with Grindlewald. They were lovers lol. Omgosh I miss you. I really do.

I kind of feel like this is already strangely healing some of the hurt. But it will never take it away. 

Until next time then. Bye Dobby.


End file.
